L 1,[1	There was a young girl of Aberystwyth
	Who took grain to the mill to get grist with.
	  The miller's sun, Jack,
	  Laid her flat on her back,
	And united the organs they pissed with.
]
L 1,[2	There was a young lady of Arden,
	The tool of whose swain wouldn't harden.
	  Said she with a frown,
	  "I've been sadly let down
	By the tool of a fool in a garden."
]
L 1,[3	There once was a yokel of Beaconsfield
	Engaged to look after the deacon's field,
	  But he lurked in the ditches
	  And diddled the bitches
	Who happened to cross that antique 'un's field.
]
L 1,[4	There's a charming young lady named Beaulieu
	Who's often been screwed by yours truly,
	  But now--it's appallin'--
	  My balls always fall in!
	I fear that I've fucked her unduly.
]
L 1,[5	There was a young girl in Berlin
	Who was fucked by an elderly Finn.
	  Though he diddled his best,
	  And fucked her with zest,
	She kept asking, "Hey, Pop, is it in?"
]
L 1,[6	I wooed a stewed nude in Bermuda,
	I was lewd, but my God! she was lewder.
	  She said it was crude
	  To be wooed in the nude--
	I persued her, subdued her, and screwed her!
]
L 1,[7	There was a young lady of Bicester
	Who was nicer by far than her sister:
	  The sister would giggle
	  And wiggle and jiggle,
	But this one would come if you kissed her.
]
L 1,[8	There once was a son-of-a-bitch,
	Neither clever, nor handsome, nor rich,
	  Yet the girls he would dazzle,
	  And fuck to a frazzle,
	And then ditch them, the son-of-a-bitch!
]
L 1,[9	There once was a young fellow named Blaine,
	And he screwed some disgusting old jane.
	  She was ugly and smelly,
	  With an awful pot-belly,
	But... well, they were caught in the rain.
]
L 1,[10	There was a young sailor form Brighton
	Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one."
	  She replied, "'Pon my soul,
	  You're in the wrong hole;
	There's plenty of room in the right one.
]
L 1,[11	A lacklustre lady of Brougham
	Weaveth all night at her loom.
	  Anon she doth blench
	  When her lord and his wench
	Pull a chain in the neighbouring room.
]
L 1,[12	A middle-aged codger named Bruin
	Found his love life completely a-ruin,
	  For he flirted with flirts
	  Wearing pants and no skirts,
	And he never got in for no screwin'.
]
L 1,[13	There was a young fellow of Burma
	Whose betrothed had good reason to murmur.
	  But now that he's married he's
	  Been using cantharides
	And the root of their love is much firmer.
]
L 1,[14	There was a young fellow from Cal.,
	In bed with a passionate gal.
	  He leapt from the bed,
	  To the toilet he sped;
	Said the gal, "What about me, old pal?"
]
L 1,[15	There was a young man from Calcutta
	Who was heard in his beard to mutter,
	  "If her Bartholin glands
	  Don't respond to my hands,
	I'm afraid I shall have to use butter."
]
L 1,[16	There once was a kiddie named Carr
	Caught a man on top of his mar.
	  As he saw him stick 'er,
	  He said with a snicker,
	"You do it much faster than par."
]
L 1,[17	There was a young fellow named Charteris
	Put his hand where his young lady's garter is.
	  Said she, "I don't mind,
	  And higher up you'll find
	The place where my fucker and farter is."
]
L 1,[18	A young woman got married at Chester,
	Her mother she kissed and she blessed her.
	  Says she, "You're in luck,
	  He's a stunning good fuck,
	For I've had him myself down in Leicester.
]
L 1,[19	"For the tenth time, dull Daphnis," said Chloe,
	"You have told me my bosom is snowy;
	  You have made much fine verse on
	  Each part of my person,
	Now do something -- there's a good boy!"
]
L 1,[20	A maiden who wrote of big cities
	Some songs full of love, fun and pities,
	  Sold her stuff at the shop
	  Of a musical wop
	Who played with her soft little titties.
]
L 1,[21	There once was a gouty old colonel
	Who grew glum when the weather grew vernal,
	  And he cried in his tiffin
	  For his prick wouldn't stiffen,
	And the size of the thing was infernal.
]
L 1,[22	A lady while dining at Crewe
	Found an elephant's whang in her stew.
	  Said the waiter, "Don't shout,
	  And don't wave it about,
	Or the others will all want one too."
]
L 1,[23	There was a young lady of Dee
	Who went down to the river to pee.
	  A man in a punt
	  Put his hand on her cunt,
	And God! how I wish it were me.
]
L 1,[24	I never had Miss Defauw,
	But it wouldn't have been quite so raw
	  If she'd only said "No"
	  When I wanted her so;
	But she didn't -- she laughed and said "Naw!"
]
L 1,[25	A beautiful bell of Del Norte
	Is reckoned disdainful and haughrty
	  Because during the day
	  She says: "Boys, keep away!"
	But she fucks in the gloaming like forty.
]
L 1,[26	A young man by a girl was desired
	To give her the thrills she required,
	  But he died of old age
	  Ere his cock could assuage
	The volcanic desire it inspired.
]
L 1,[27	There was a young lady of Dover
	Whose passion was such that it drove her
	  To cry, when you came,
	  "Oh dear!  What a shame!
	Well, now we shall have to start over."
]
L 1,[28	There was a young man of Dumfries
	Who said to his girl, "If you please,
	  It would give me great bliss
	If, while playing with this,
	You would pay some attention to these!"
]
L 1,[29	There was a young lady of Ealing
	And her lover before her was kneeling.
	  Said she, "Dearest Jim,
	  Take your hands off my quim;
	I much prefer fucking to feeling."
]
L 1,[30	A lonely young lad of Eaton
	Used always to sleep with the heat on,
	  Till he ran into a lass
	  Who showed him her ass --
	Now they sleep with only a sheet on.
]
L 1,[31	There was a young lady of Exeter,
	So pretty, that men craned their necks at her.
	  One was even so brave
	  As to take out and wave
	The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.
]
L 1,[32	There was a young lady of fashion
	Who had oodles and oodles of passion.
	  To her lover she said,
	  As  they climbed into bed,
	"Here's one thing the bastards can't ration!"
]
L 1,[33	There was a young girl in Dakota
	Had a letter from Ickes; he wrote her:
	  "In addition to gas
	  We are rationing ass,
	And you've greatly exceeded your quota."
]
L 1,[34	There was a young lady named Flynn
	Who thought fornication a sin,
	  But when she was tight
	  It seemed quite all right,
	So everyone filled her with gin.
]
L 1,[35	A reckless young lady of France
	Had no qualms about taking a chance,
	  But she thought it was crude
	  To get screwed in the nude,
	So she always went home with damp pants.
]
L 1,[36	A nervous young fellow named Fred
	Took a charming young widow to bed.
	  When he'd diddled a while
	  She remarked with a smile,
	"You've got it all in but the head."
]
L 3,[37	There was a young fellow named Fyfe
	Whose marriage was ruined for life,
	  For he had an aversion
	  To every perversion
	And only liked fucking his wife.

	Well, one year the poor woman struck,
	And she wept, and she cursed at her luck,
	  And said, "Where have you gotten us
	  With your goddamn monotonous
	Fuck after fuck after fuck?

	"I once knew a harlot named Lou --
	And a versatile girl she was, too.
	  After ten years of whoredom
	  She perished of boredom
	When she married a jackass like you!"
]
L 1,[40	There was a young lady of Gloucester,
	Met a passionate fellow who tossed her.
	  She wasn't much hurt,
	  But he dirtied her skirt,
	So think of the anguish it cost her.
]
L 1,[41	There was a young lady of Gloucester
	Whose friends they thought they had lost her
	  Till they found on the grass
	  The marks of her arse,
	And the knees of the man who had crossed her.
]
L 1,[42	There was a young fellow named Goody
	Who claimed that he wouldn't, but would he?
	  If he found himself nude
	  With a gal in the mood
	The question's not woody but could he?
]
L 2,[43	In my sweet little Alice Blue gown
	Was the first time I ever laid down,
	  I was both proud and shy
	  As he opened his fly
	And the moment I saw it I thought I would die.

	Oh it hung almost down to the ground,
	As it went in I made not a sound,
	  The more that he shoved it
	  The more that I loved it,
	As he came on my Alice Blue gown.
]
L 2,[45	In my sweet little night gown of blue,
	On the first night that I slept with you,
	  I was both shy and scared
	  As the bed was prepared,
	And you played peekaboo with my ribbons of blue.

	As we both watched the break of day,
	And in peaceful submission I lay,
	  You said you adored it
	  But dammit, you tore it,
	My sweet little night gown of blue.
]
L 1,[47	Winter is here with his grouch,
	The time when you sneeze and slouch.
	  You can't take your women
	  Canoein' or swimmin',
	But a lot can be done on a couch.
]
L 1,[48	It always delights me at Hank's
	To walk up the old river banks.
	  One time in the grass
	  I stepped on an ass,
	And heard a young girl murmur, "Thanks."
]
L 1,[49	There was a young girl from Hong Kong
	Who said, "You are utterly wrong
	  To say my vagina
	  's the largest in China
	Just because of your mean little dong."
]
L 1,[50	There once was a sad Maitre d'hotel
	Who said, "They can all go to hell!
	  What they do to my wife --
	  Why it ruins my life;
	And the worst is they all do it well."
]
L 1,[51	There was a young man named Hughes
	Who swore off all kinds of booze.
	  He said, "When I'm muddled
	  My senses get fuddled,
	And I pass up too many screws."
]
L 1,[52	There were three ladies of Huxham,
	And whenever we meets 'em we fucks 'em,
	  And when that game grows stale
	  We sits on a rail,
	And pulls out our pricks and they sucks 'em.
]
L 1,[53	There was a young lady named Inge
	Who went on a binge with a dinge.
	  Now I won't breathe a word
	  O f what really occured --
	But her cunt has a chocolate fringe.
]
L 1,[54	An octagenerian Jew
	To his wife remained steadfastly true.
	  This was not from compunction,
	  But due to dysfunction
	Of his spermatic glands -- nuts to you.
]
L 1,[55	"Snyder's got a stiff ticket," said Kay,
	"Come on, take it out, and let's play."
	  He pulled it on out,
	  But she started to pout,
	His ticket was only a quarter-inch stout.
]
L 1,[56	A pansy who lived in Khartoum
	Took a lesbian up to his room,
	  And they argued all night
	  Over who had the right
	To do what, and with which, and to whom.
]
L 1,[57	There was an old lady who lay
	With her legs wide apart in the hay,
	  Then, calling the ploughman,
	  She said, "Do it now, man!
	Don't wait till your hair has turned gray."
]
L 1,[58	There was a young lady of Lee
	Who scrambled up into a tree,
	  When she got there
	  Her arsehole was bare,
	And so was her K U N T.
]
L 1,[59	A worn-out young husband named Lehr
	Her daily his wife's plaintive prayer:
	  "Slip on a sheath, quick,
	  Then slip your big dick
	Between these lips covered with hair."
]
L 1,[60	There was a young plumber of Leigh
	Who was plumbing a girl by the sea.
	  She said, "Stop the plumbing,
	  There's somebody coming!"
	Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me."
]
L 1,[61	Il y avait  un plombier, Francois,
	Qui plombait sa femme dans le Bois.
	  Dit-elle, "Arretez!
	  J'entends quelqu'un venait."
	Dit le plombier, en plombant, "C'est moi."
]
L 1,[62	Es gibt ein Arbeiter von Tinz,
	Er schlaft mit ein Madel von Linz.
	  Sie sagt, "Halt sein' plummen,
	  Ich hore Mann kommen."
	"Jacht, jacht," sagt der Plummer, "Ich binz."
]
L 1,[63	Prope mare erat tubulator
	Qui virginem ingrediebatur.
	  Dessine ingressus
	  Audivi progressus:
	Est mihi inquit tubulator.
]
L 1,[64	Have you heard of knock-kneed Samuel McGuzzum
	Who married Samantha, his bow-legged cousin?
	  Some people say,
	  Love finds a way,
	But for Sam and Samantha it doesn'.
]
L 1,[65	In bed Dr. Oscar McPugh
	Spoke of Spengler -- and ate crackers too.
	  His wife said, "Oh, stuff
	  That philosophy guff
	Up your ass, dear, and throw me a screw!"
]
L 1,[66	There was a young lady named Maud
	A terrible society fraud:
	  In company, I'm told
	  She was awfully cold.
	But if you got her alone, Oh God!
]
L 1,[67	There was a young lady named May
	Who strolled in a park by the way,
	  And she met a youg man
	  Who fucked her and ran --
	Now she goes to the park every day.
]
L 1,[68	There once was a Swede in Minneapolis,
	Discovered his sex life was hapless:
	  The more he would screw
	  The more he'd want to,
	And he feared he would soon be quite sapless.
]
L 1,[69	There was a young dolly named Molly
	Who thought that to frig was a folly.
	  Said she, "Your pee-pee
	  Means nothing to me,
	But I'll do it just to be jolly."
]
L 1,[70	Of his face she thought not very much,
	But then, at the very first touch,
	  Her attitude shifted --
	  He was terribly gifted
	At frigging and fucking and such.
]
L 1,[71	The King plugged the Queen's ass with mustard
	To make her fuck hot, but got flustered,
	  And cried, "Oh, my dear,
	  I am coming, I fear,
	But the mustard will make you come `plus tard'."
]
L 1,[72	There was a young lad from Nahant
	Who was made like the Sensitve Plant.
	  When asked, "Do you fuck?"
	  He replied, "No such luck.
	I would if I could but I can't."
]
L 1,[73	There was a young man of Natal
	Who was fucking a Hottentot gal.
	  Said she, "You're a sluggard!"
	  Said he, "You be buggered!
	I like to fuck slow and I shall."
]
L 1,[74	There was a young man of Natal
	And Sue was the name of his gal.
	  One day, north of Aden,
	  He got his hard rod in,
	And came clear up Suez Canal.
]
L 1,[75	There was a gay dog from Ontario
	Who fancied himself a Lothario.
	  At a wench's glance
	  He'd snatch off his pants
	And make for her Mons Venerio.
]
L 1,[76	There was a young man of Ostend
	Who let a girl play with his end.
	  She took hold of Rover,
	  And felt it all over,
	And it did what she didn't intend.
]
L 1,[77	There was a young man of Ostend
	Whose wife caught him fucking her friend.
	  "It's no use, my duck,
	  Interrupting our fuck,
	For I'm damned if I draw till I spend."
]
L 1,[78	There was a young fellow from Parma
	Who was solemnly screwing his charmer.
	  Said the damsel, demure,
	  "You'll excuse me, I'm sure,
	But I must say you fuck like a farmer."
]
L 1,[79	A newly-wed man of Peru
	Found himself in a terrible stew:
	  His wife was in bed
	  Much deader than dead,
	And so he had no one to screw.
]
L 1,[80	There was a young girl of Pitlochry
	Who was had by a man in a rockery.
	  Sh said, "Oh! You've come
	  All over my bum;
	This isn't a fuck -- it's a mockery."
]
L 1,[81	There was a young lady from Prentice
	Who had an affair with a dentist.
	  To make things easier
	  He used anesthesia,
	And diddled her, `non compos mentis'.
]
L 2,[82	There was a young man with a prick
	Which into his wife he would stick
	  Every morning and night
	  If it stood up all right --
	Not a very remarkable trick.

	His wife had a nice little cunt:
	It was hairy, and soft, and in front,
	  And with this she would fuck him,
	  Though sometimes she'd suck him --
	A charming, if commonplace, stunt.
]
L 1,[84	There was a young man from Purdue
	Who was only just learning to screw,
	  But he hadn't the knack,
	  And he got too far back --
	In the right church, but in the wrong pew.
]
L 1,[85	A young lady sat on a quay,
	Just as propper as propper could be.
	  A young fellow goosed her,
	  And roughly seduced her,
	So she thanked him and went home to tea.
]
L 1,[86	I once was annoyed by a queer
	Who made his intentions quite clear.
	  Said I, "I'm no prude,
	  So don't think me rude,
	But I'm already stewed, screwed, and tattooed."
]
L 1,[87	A young wife in the outskirts of Reims
	Preferred frigging to going to mass.
	  Said her husband, "Take Jacques,
	  Or any young cock,
	For I cannot live up to your ass."
]
L 1,[88	The King named Oedipus Rex
	Who started this fuss about sex
	  Put the world to great pains
	  By the spots and the stains
	Which he made on his mother's pubex.
]
L 1,[89	Now hear this fair lass from Rhode Isle
	Who said with a wink and a smile,
	  "Sure, please stick it in,
	  Be it thick be it thin,
	But if's rough I won't do as a file."
]
L 1,[90	There was a young lady of Rhyll
	In an omnibus was taken ill,
	  So she called the conductor,
	  Who got in and fucked her,
	Which did more good than a pill.
]
L 1,[91	There was a young German named Ringer
	Who was screwing an opera singer.
	  Said he with a grin,
	  "Well, I've sure got it in!"
	Said she, "You mean that ain't your finger?"
]
L 1,[92	A young violinist from Rio
	Was seducing a lady named Cleo.
	  As she took down her panties
	  She said, "No andantes;
	I want this allegro con brio!"
]
L 1,[93	A young Juliet of St. Louis
	On a balcony stood acting screwy.
	  Her Romeo climbed,
	  But he wasn't well timed,
	And half-way up, off he went -- blooey!
]
L 1,[94	Said a lecherous fellow named Shea,
	When his prick wouldn't rise for a lay,
	  "You must sieze it, and squeeze it,
	  And tease it, and please it,
	For Rome wasn't built in a day."
]
L 1,[95	There was a young man from Siam
	Who said, "I go in with a wham,
	  But I soon lose my starch
	  Like the mad month of March,
	And the lion comes out like a lamb."
]
L 1,[96	Prince Absalom lay with his sister
	And bundled and nibbled and kissed her,
	  But the kid was so tight,
	  And it was deep night --
	Though he shot at the target, he missed her.
]
L 2,[97	There was a young fellow named Skinner
	Who took a young lady to dinner
	  At a quarter to nine
	  They sat down to dine;
	At twenty to ten it was in her.
	  The dinner, not Skinner --
	Skinner was in her before dinner.

	There was a young fellow named Tupper
	Who took a young lady to supper.
	  At a quarter to nine
	  They sat down to dine,
	And at twenty to ten it was up her.
	  Not the supper -- not Tupper --
	It was some son-of-a-bitch named Skinner!
]
L 1,[99	"My back aches.  My penis is sore.
	I simply can't fuck any more.
	  I'm dripping with sweat,
	  And you haven't come yet;
	And, my God! it's a quarter to four!"
]
L 1,[100	There was a young lady of Spain
	Who took down her pants on a train.
	  There was ayoung porter
	  Saw more than he orter,
	And asked her to do it again.
]
L 1,[101	There was a young man of high station
	Who was found by a  pious relation
	  Making love in a ditch
	  To -- I won't say a bitch --
	But a woman of no reputation.
]
L 1,[102	There once was a dentist named Stone
	Who saw all his patients alone.
	  In a fit of depravity
	  He filled the wrong cavity,
	And my, how his practice has grown!
]
L 1,[103	A sailor who slept in the sun
	Woke to find his fly buttons undone.
	  He remarked with a smile,
	  "Jesus Christ, a sundial!
	And it's now a quarter past one."
]
L 1,[104	A plumber whose name was Ten Brink
	Plumbed the cook as she bent o'er the sink.
	  Her resistance was stout,
	  And Ten Bring petered out
	With his pipe-wrench all limber and pink.
]
L 1,[105	The spouse of a pretty young thing
	Came home from the wars in the spring.
	  He was lame but he came
	  With his dame like a flame --
	A discharge is a wondeful thing.
]
L 2,[106	I wonder what my wife will want tonight;
	Wonder if the wife will fuss and fight?
	  I wonder can she tell
	  That I've been raising hell;
	Wonder if she'll know that I've been tight?

	My wife is just as nice as can be,
	I hope she doesn't feel to nice toward me,
	  For an afternoon of joy
	  Is hell on the old boy.
	I wonder what the wife will want tonight!
]
L 1,[108	There's an unbroken babe from Toronto,
	Exceedingly hard to get onto,
	  But when you get there,
	  And have parted the hair,
	You can fuck her as much as you want to.
]
L 1,[109	Une joile epousetta a Tours
	Voulait de gig-gig tous le jours.
	  Mais le mari disait, "Non!
	  De trop n'est pas bon!
	Mon derriere exige du secours!"
]
L 1,[110	A pretty wife living in Tours
	Demanded her daily amour.
	  But the husband said, "No!
	  It's to much.  Let it go!
	My backsides are dragging the floor."
]
L 4,[111	In the shade of the old apple tree
	Where between her fat legs I could see
	  A little brown spot
	  With the hair in a knot,
	And it certainly looked good to me.

	I asked as I tickled her tit
	If she thought that my big thing would fit.
	  She said it would do
	  So we had a good screw
	In the shade of the old apple tree.

	In the shade of the old apple tree
	I got all that was coming to me.
	  In the soft dewy grass
	  I had a fine piece of ass
	From a maiden that was fine to see.

	I could hear the dull buzz of the bee
	As he sunk his grub hooks into me.
	  Her ass it was fine
	  But you should have seen mine
	In the shade of the old apple tree.
]
L 1,[115	A lad from far-off Transvaal
	Was lustful, but tactful withal.
	  He'd say, just for luck,
	  "Mam'selle, do you fuck?"
	But he'd bow till he almost would crawl.
]
L 1,[116	There was a young lady of Twickenham
	Who thought men had not enough prick in 'em.
	  On her knees every day
	  To god she would pray
	To lengthen and stregthen and thicken 'em.
]
L 1,[117	There was a young lady named Twiss
	Who said she thought fucking a bliss,
	  For it tickled her bum
	  And caused her to come
	.siht gniyl ylbatrofmoc elihW
]
L 1,[118	There once was a husky young Viking
	Whose sexual prowess was striking.
	  Every time he got hot
	  He would scour the twat
	Of some girl that might be to his liking.
]
L 1,[119	At the moment Japan declared war
	A sailor was fucking a whore.
	  He said, "After this poke
	  `Long and hard' ain't no joke;
	This means months till I get back ashore."
]
L 1,[120	There was a young lady of Wheeling
	Said to her beau, "I've a feeling
	  My little brown jug
	  Has need of a plug" --
	And straightaway she started to peeling.
]
L 3,[121	Two anglers were fishing off Wight
	And his bobber was dipping all night.
	  Murmured she, with a laugh,
	  "It's ready to gaff,
	But don't break your rod which is light."

	A couple was fishing near Clombe
	When the maid began looking quite glum,
	  And said, "Bother the fish!
	  I'd rather coish!"
	Which they did -- which was why they had come.

	As two consular clerks in Madras
	Fished, hidden in deep shore-grass,
	  "What a marvelous pole,"
	  Said she, "but control
	Your sinkers -- they're banging my ass."
]
L 1,[124	Love letters no longer they write us,
	To their homes they so seldom invite us.
	  It grieves me to say,
	  They have learned with dismay,
	We can't cure their `vulva pruritus'.
]
L 1,[125	There was a young student from Yale
	Who was getting his first piece of tail.
	  He shoved in his pole,
	  But in the wrong hole,
	And a voice from beneath yelled: "No sale!"
]
L 1,[126	In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
	Complacently stroking his madam,
	  And loud was his mirth
	  For on all of the earth
	There were only two balls -- and he had 'em.
]
L 1,[127	There was a young bride of Antigua
	Whose husband said, "Dear me, how big you are!"
	  Said the girl, "What damn'd rot!
	  Why, you've only felt my twot,
	My legs and my arse and my figua!"
]
L 1,[128	There was a young damsel named Baker
	Who was poked in a pew by a Quaker.
	  He yelled, "My God!  what
	  Do you call this -- a twat?
	Why, the entrance is more than an acre!"
]
L 1,[129	There was once a mechanic named Bench
	Whose best tool was a sturdy gut-wrench.
	  With this vibrant device
	  He could reach, in a trice,
	The innermost parts of a wench.
]
L 1,[130	There was a young man of Bengal
	Who swore he had only one ball,
	  But two little bitches
	  Unbuttoned his britches,
	And found he had no balls at all.
]
L 1,[131	A chippy who worked in Black Bluff
	Had a pussy as large as a muff.
	  It had room for both hands
	  And some intimate glands,
	And was soft as a little ducks's fluff.
]
L 1,[132	There was a young lady named Blount
	Who had a rectangular cunt.
	  She learned for diversion
	  Posterior perversion,
	Since no one could fit here in front.
]
L 1,[133	There was a young fellow named Bowen
	Whose pecker kept growin' and growin'.
	  It grew so tremendous,
	  So long and so pendulous,
	'Twas no godd for fuckin' -- just showin'.
]
L 1,[134	There was a young lady named Brent
	With a cunt of enormous extent,
	  And so deep and so wide,
	  The acoustics inside
	Were so good you could hear when you spent.
]
L 1,[135	There was a young girl from the Bronix
	Who had a vagina of onyx.
	  She had so much `tsoris'
	  With her clitoris,
	She traded it in for a Packard.
]
L 1,[136	There was a young lady from Brussels
	Who was proud of her vaginal muscles.
	  She could easily plex them
	  And so interflex them
	As to whistle love songs through her bustles.
]
L 1,[137	There was a young lady of Bude
	Who walked down the street in the nude.
	  A bobby said, "Whattum
	  Magnificent bottom!"
	And slapped it as hard as he could.
]
L 1,[138	There once was a queen of Bulgaria
	Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier,
	  Till a prince from Peru
	  Who came up for a screw
	Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.
]
L 1,[139	There was a young girl of Cah'lina,
	Had a very capricious vagina:
	  To the shock of the fucker
	  "Twould suddenly pucker,
	And whistle the chorus of "Dinah."
]
L 1,[140	A lady with features cherubic
	Was famed for her area pubic.
	  When they asked her its size
	  She replied in surprise,
	"Are you speaking of square feet, or cubic?"
]
L 1,[141	There was a fat lady of China
	Who'd a really enormous vagina,
	  And when she was dead
	  They painted it red,
	And used it for docking a liner.
]
L 1,[142	I met a young man in Chungking
	Who had a very long thing --
	  But you'll guess my surprise
	  When I found that its size
	Just measured a third-finger ring!
]
L 1,[143	There was a young man of Coblenz
	Whose ballocks were simply immense:
	  It took forty-four draymen,
	  A priest and three laymen
	To carry them thither and thence.
]
L 1,[144	There was an old man of Connaught
	Whose prick was remarkably short.
	  When he got into bed
	  The old woman said,
	"This isn't a prick, it's a wart."
]
L 1,[145	There once was a girl from Cornell
	Whose teats were shaped like a bell.
	  When you touched them they shrunk,
	  Except when she was drunk,
	And then they got bigger than hell.
]
L 1,[146	There once was a lady of Crete
	So enormously broad in the beam
	  That one day in the ocean
	  She caused such commotion
	That Admiral Byrd claimed her for America.
]
L 1,[147	There was a young fellow named Cribbs
	Whose cock was so big it had ribs.
	  They were inches apart,
	  And to suck it took art,
	While to fuck it took forty-two trips.
]
L 1,[148	There was a young lady whose cunt
	Could accomodate a small punt.
	  Her mother said, "Annie,
	  It matches your fanny,
	Which never was that of a runt."
]
L 1,[149	There's a young Yiddish slut with two cunts,
	Whose pleasure in life is to pruntz.
	  When one pireg is shot,
	  There's that alternate twat,
	But the ausgefuckt male merely grunts.
]
L 1,[150	There was a young man from Dallas
	Who had an exceptional phallus.
	  He couldn't find room
	  In any girl's womb
	Without rubbing it first with Vitalis.
]
L 1,[151	There was a young girl of Des Moines
	Whose cunt could be fitted with coins,
	  Till a guy from Hoboken
	  Went and dropped in a token,
	And now she rides free on the ferry.
]
L 1,[152	To his bride said the keen-eyed detective,
	"Can it be that my eyesight's defective?
	  Has the east tit the least bit
	  The best of the west tit,
	Or is it the faulty perspective?"
]
L 2,[153	There was a young girl of Detroit
	Who at fucking was very adroit:
	  She could squeeze her vagina
	  To a pin-point, or finer,
	Or open it out like a quoit.

	And she had a friend named Durand
	Whose cock could contract or expand.
	  He could diddle a midge
	  Or the arch of a bridge --
	Their performance together was grand!
]
L 1,[155	There was a young man of Devizes
	Whose balls were of different sizes.
	  His tool when at ease,
	  Hung down to his knees,
	Oh, what must it be when it rises!
]
L 1,[156	Visas erat: huic geminarum
	Dispar modus testicularum:
	  Minor haec nihili,
	  Palma triplici,
	Jam fecerat altera clarum.
]
L 1,[157	There was a young fellow whose dong
	Was prodigiously massive and long.
	  On each side of his whang
	  Two testes did hang
	That attracted a curious throng.
]
L 1,[158	There was a young man from East Wubley
	Whose cock was bifurcated doubly.
	  Each quadruplicate shaft
	  Had two balls hanging aft,
	And the general effect was quite lovely.
]
L 1,[159	While I, with my usual enthusiasm,
	Was exploring in Ermintrude's busiasm,
	  She explained, "They are flat,
	  But think nothing of that --
	You will find that my sweet sister Susiasm."
]
L 1,[160	There was a young fellow from Florida
	Who liked a friend's wife, so he borrowed her.
	  When they got into bed
	  He cried, "God strike me dead!
	This ain't a cunt -- it's a corridor!"
]
L 1,[161	An old man at the Folies Bergere
	Had a jock, a most wondrous affair:
	  It snipped off a twat-curl
	  From each new chorus girl,
	And he had a wig made of the hair.
]
L 1,[162	There was a young man with one foot
	Who had a very long root.
	  If he used this peg
	  As an extra leg
	Is a question exceedingly moot.
]
L 1,[163	In the case of a lady named Frost,
	Whose cunt's a good two feet acrost,
	  It's the best part of valor
	  To bugger the gal, or
	You're apt to fall in and get lost.
]
L 1,[164	A certain young person of Ghent,
	Uncertain if lady or gent,
	  Shows his organs at large
	  For a small handling charge
	To assist him in paying the rent.
]
L 1,[165	There was an old woman of Ghent
	Who swore that her cunt had no scent.
	  She got fucked so often
	  At last she got rotten,
	And didn't she stink when she spent.
]
L 1,[166	There was a young man from Glengozzle
	Who found a remarkable fossil.
	  He knew by the bend
	  And the wart on the end,
	'Twas the peter of Paul the Apostle.
]
L 2,[167	There was a young fellow of Greenwich
	Whose balls were all covered with spinach.
	  He had such a tool
	  It was wound on a spool,
	And he reeled it out inich by inich.

	But this tale has an unhappy finich,
	For due to the sand in the spinach
	  His ballocks grew rough
	  And wrecked his wife's muff,
	And scratched up her thatch in the scrimmage.
]
L 1,[169	A mathematician named Hall
	Had a hexhedronical ball,
	  And the cube of its weight
	  Times his pecker, plus eight,
	Was four fifths of five eighths of fuck-all.
]
L 1,[170	There was a young fellow of Harrow
	Whose john was the size of a marrow.
	  He said to his tart,
	  "How's this for a start?
	My balls are outside in a barrow."
]
L 1,[171	There was a young fellow named Harry,
	Had a joint that was long, huge and scary.
	  He pressed it on a virgin
	  Who, without any urgin',
	Immeadiately spread like a fairy.
]
L 1,[172	There was a young girl named Heather
	Whose twitcher was made out of leather.
	  She made a queer noise,
	  Which attracted the boys,
	By flapping the edges together.
]
L 1,[173	There was an old curate of Hestion
	Who'd errect at the slightest suggestion.
	  But so small was his tool
	  He could scarce screw a spool,
	And a cunt was quite out of the question.
]
L 1,[174	There was a young man from Hong Kong
	Who had a trifurcated prong:
	  A small one for sucking,
	  A large one for fucking,
	And a `boney' for beating a gong.
]
L 1,[175	A fellow whose surname was Hunt
	Trained his cock to perform a slick stunt:
	  This versatile spout
	  Could be turned inside out,
	Like a glove, and be used a s a cunt.
]
L 1,[176	Alas for the Countess d'Isere,
	Whose muff wasn't furnished with hair.
	  Said the Count, "Quelle surprise!"
	  When he parted her thighs;
	"Magnifique!  Pourtant pas de la guerre."
]
L 1,[177	A highly aesthetic young Jew
	Had eyes of a heavenly blue;
	  The end of his dillie
	  Was shaped like a lilly,
	And his balls were too utterly two!
]
L 1,[178	There once was a lady from Kansas
	Whose cunt was as big as Bonanzas.
	  It was nine inches deep
	  And the sides were quite steep --
	It had whiskers like General Carranza's.
]
L 1,[179	Oh, pity the Duchess of Kent!
	Her cunt is so dreadfully bent,
	  The poor wench doth stammer,
	  "I need a sledgehammer
	To pound a man into my vent."
]
L 1,[180	There was an old gent from Kentuck
	Who boasted a filigreed schmuck,
	  But he put it away
	  For fear that one day
	He might put it in and get stuck.
]
L 1,[181	There was an old lady of Kewry
	Whose cunt was a `lusus naturae':
	  The `introitus vaginae',
	  Was unnaturally tiny,
	And the thought of it filled her with fury.
]
L 1,[182	There was a young fellow named Kimble
	Whose prick was exceedingly nimble,
	  But fragile and slender,
	  And dainty and tender,
	So he kept it encased in a thimble.
]
L 1,[183	There was a young man of Lahore
	Whose prick was one inch and no more.
	  It was all right for key-holes
	  And little girl's pee-holes,
	But not worth a damn with a whore.
]
L 1,[184	There once was a horse named Lily
	Whose dingus was really a dilly.
	  It was vaginoid duply,
	  And labial quadruply --
	In fact, he was really a filly.
]
L 1,[185	There was a young fellow from Leeds
	Who swallowed a package of seeds.
	  Great tufts of grass
	  Sprouted out of his ass
	And his balls were all covered with weeds.
]
L 1,[186	The wife of young Richard of Limerick
	Complained to her husband, "My quim, Rick,
	  Still grows in diameter
	  Each time that you ram at her;
	How can your poor tool stay so slim, Rick?"
]
L 1,[187	There was a young lady of Lincoln
	Who said that her cunt was a pink'un,
	  So she had a prick lent her
	  Which turned it magenta,
	This artful old lady of Lincoln.
]
L 1,[188	There was a young girl of LLewellyn
	Whose breasts were as big as a melon.
	  They were big it is true,
	  But here cunt was big too,
	Like a bifocal, full-color, aerial view
	Of Cape Horn and the Straits of Magellan.
]
L 1,[189	A contortionist hailing from Lynch
	Used to rent out his tool by the inch.
	  A foot cost a quid --
	  He could and he did
	Stretch it to three in a pinch.
]
L 1,[190	There was a young man from Lynn
	Whose cock was the size of a pin.
	  Said his girl with a laugh
	  As she felt his staff,
	"This won't be much of a sin."
]
L 1,[191	There was a young girl named McCall
	Whose cunt was exceedingly small,
	  But the size of her anus
	  Was something quite heinous --
	It could hold seven pricks and one ball.
]
L 1,[192	There was an old satyr named Mack
	Whose prick had a left handed tack.
	  If the ladies he loves
	  Don't spin when he shoves,
	Their cervixes frequently crack.
]
L 1,[193	An envious girl named McMeanus
	Was jealous of her lover's big penis.
	  It was small consolation
	  That the rest of the nation
	Of women were with her in weeness.
]
L 1,[194	There was a young man named McNamiter
	With a tool of prodigious diameter.
	  But it wasn't the size
	  Gave the girls a surprise,
	But his rythm -- iambic pentameter.
]
L 1,[195	There was a young man of Madras
	Whose balls were constructed of brass.
	  When jangled together
	  They played "Stormy Weather,"
	And lightning shot out of his ass.
]
L 1,[196	A bad little girl in Madrid,
	A most reprehensible kid,
	  Told her Tante Louise
	  That her cunt smelled like cheese,
	And the worst of it was that it did!
]
L 1,[197	There was ayoung man from Maine
	Whose prick was as strong as a crane;
	  It was almost as long,
	  So he strolled with his dong
	Extended in sunshine and rain.
]
L 1,[198	There was a young girl from Medina
	Who could completely control her vagina.
	  She could twist it around
	  Like the cunts that are found
	In Japan, Manchukuo and China.
]
L 1,[199	There was a young fellow named Morgan
	Who possessed an unusual organ:
	  The end of his dong,
	  Which was nine inches long,
	Was tipped with the head of a gorgon.
]
L 1,[200	There was a young soldier from Munich
	Whose penis hung down past his tunic,
	  And their chops girls would lick
	  When they thought of his prick,
	But alas! he was only a eunuch.
]
L 3,[201	There was a young lady of Natchez
	Who chanced to be born with two snatches,
	  And she often said, "Shit!
	  Why, I'd give either tit
	For a man with equipment that matches."

	There was a young fellow named Locke
	Who was born with a two-headed cock.
	  When he'd fondle the thing
	  It would rise up and sing
	An antiphonal chorus by Bach.

	But whether these two ever met
	Has not been recorded as yet,
	  Still, it would be diverting
	  To see him inserting
	His whang while it sang a duet.
]
L 1,[204	A girl of uncertain nativity
	Had an ass of extreme sensitivity
	  While she sat on the lap
	  Of a German or Jap,
	She could sense Fifth Column activity.
]
L 1,[205	There was a gay parson of Norton
	Whose prick, although thick, was a short 'un.
	  To make up for this loss,
	  He had balls like a horse,
	And never spent less than a quartern.
]
L 1,[206	A farmer I know named O'Doole
	Had a long and incredible tool.
	  He can use it to plow,
	  Or to diddle a cow,
	Or just as a cue-stick at pool.
]
L 1,[207	A chap down in Oklahoma
	Had a cock that could sing La Paloma,
	  But the sweetness of pitch
	  Couldn't put off the hitch
	Of impotence, size and aroma.
]
L 1,[208	There was a young girl named O"Malley
	Who wanted to dance in the ballet.
	  She got roars of applause
	  When she kicked off her drawers,
	But her hair and her bush didn't tally.
]
L 1,[209	There was a young maiden from Osset
	Whose quim was nine inches across it.
	  Said a young man named Tong,
	  With tool nine inches long,
	"I'll put bugger-in if I loss it."
]
L 1,[210	"The testes are cooler outside,"
	Said the doc to the curious bride,
	  "For the semen must no
	  Get too fucking hot,
	And the bag fans your bum on the ride."
]
L 1,[211	There was a young fellow named Paul
	Who confessed, "I have only one ball.
	  But the size of my prick
	  Is God's dirtiest trick,
	For my girls always ask, 'Is that all?'"
]
L 1,[212	There was a young girl of Pawtucket
	Whose box was as big as a bucket.
	  Her boy-friend said, "Toots,
	  I'll have to wear boots,
	For I see I must muck it, not fuck it."
]
L 1,[213	When I was a baby, my penis
	Was as white as the buttocks of Venus.
	  But now 'this as red
	  As her nipples instead--
	All because of the feminie genus!
]
L 1,[214	Two roosters in one of our pens
	Found their pricks were no larger than wens.
	  As they looked at their foreskins
	  And wished they had more skins,
	They discovered they'd both become hens.
]
L 1,[215	There was a young fellow of Perth
	Whose balls were the finest on earth.
	  They grew to such size
	  That one won a prize,
	And goodness knows what they were worth.
]
L 1,[216	To his bride a young bridegroom said, "Pish!
	Your cunt is as big as a dish!"
	  She replied, "Why, you fool,
	  With your limp little tool
	It's like driving a nail with a fish!"
]
L 1,[217	A very odd pair are the Pitts:
	His balls are as large as here tits,
	  Her tits are as large
	  As an invasion barge--
	Neither knows how the other cohabits.
]
L 1,[218	A young man from the banks of the Po
	Found his cock had elongated so,
	  That when he'd pee
	  It was not he
	But only his neighbors who'd know.
]
L 1,[219	There was a young fellow named Prynne
	Whose prick was so short and so thin,
	  His wife found she needed
	  A Fuckoscope--she did--
	To see if he'd gotten in.
]
L 1,[220	A beautiful lady named Psyche
	Is loved by a fellow named Ikey.
	  One thing about Ike
	  The lady can't like
	Is his prick, which is dreadfully spikey.
]
L 1,[221	There was a fat man from Rangoon
	Whose prick was much like a ballon.
	  He tried hard to ride her
	  And when finally inside her
	She thought she was pregnant too soon.
]
L 1,[222	There was a young fellow called Rex
	With diminutive organs of sex.
	  When charged with exposure
	  He said with composure,
	"De minimis non curat lex!"
]
L 1,[223	There was a young lady named Riddle
	Who had an untouchable middle.
	  She had many friends
	  Because of her ends,
	Since it isn't the middle you diddle.
]
L 1,[224	There was a young man from Salinas
	Who had an extremely long penis:
	  Believe it or not,
	  When he lay on his cot
	It reached from Marin to Martinez.
]
L 4,[225	There was a young harlot named Schwartz
	Whose cock-pit was studded with warts,
	  And they tickled so nice
	  She drew a high price
	From the studs at the summer resorts.

	Her pimp, a young fellow named Biddle,
	Was seldom hard up for a didle,
	  For according to rumor
	  His tool had a tumor
	And a fine row of warts down the middle.

	Her brother, a bastard named Ben,
	Could rotate his pecker, and then
	  He would shoot through his rear
	  Which made him dear
	Of the girls, and the envy of men.

	Her other young brother, named Saul,
	Was able to bounce either ball,
	  He could stretch them and snap them,
	  And juggle and clap them,
	Which earned him the plaudits of all.
]
L 1,[229	The skater, Barbara Ann Scott
	Is so fuckingly "winsome" a snot,
	  That when posed on her toes
	  She elaborately shows
	Teeth, fat ass, titties and twat.
]
L 1,[230	A cowhand way out in Seattle
	Had a dooflicker flat as a paddle.
	  He said, "No, I can't fuck
	  A lamb or a duck,
	But golly! it just fits the cattle."
]
L 1,[231	There was a young man from Seattle
	Whose testicles tended to rattle.
	  He said as he fucked
	  Some stones in a bucket,
	"If Stravinsky won't deafen you  -- that'll."
]
L 1,[232	There's a lovely young lady named Shittlecock
	Who loves to play diddle and fiddle-cock,
	  But her cunt's got a pucker
	  That's best not to fuck, or
	When least you expect it to, it'll lock.
]
L 1,[233	There was an old fellow named Skinner
	Whose prick, his wife said, had grown thinner.
	  But still, by and large,
	  It would always discharge
	Once he could just get it in her.
]
L 1,[234	An ingenious young man in South Bend
	Made a synthetic arse for a friend,
	  But the friend shortly found
	  Its construction unsound,
	It was simply a bother -- no end.
]
L 1,[235	An aesthete from South Carolina
	Had a cock that tickled like China,
	  But while shooting his load
	  It cracked like old Spode,
	So he's bought him a Steuben vagina.
]
L 1,[236	There was a young blade from South Greece
	Whose bush did so greatly increase
	  That before he could shack
	  He must hunt needle in stack.
	'Twas as bad as being obese.
]
L 1,[237	There was a young lady from Spain
	Whose face was exceedingly plain,
	  But her cunt had a pucker
	  That made the men fuck her,
	Again, and again, and again.
]
L 1,[238	Il y avait une madame de Lahore
	Dont la figure n'etait la meilleure,
	  Mais la vagine tres forte,
	  Toujours ouverte la porte,
	Encore, et encore, et encore.
]
L 1,[239	De Hispanice puella verumque
	Simplex oris verborumque
	  Tulit potens vagina
	  Hominum agmina
	Iterum iterum iterumque.
]
L 1,[240	There once was a girl from Spokane
	Went to bed with a one-legged man.
	  She said, "I know you --
	  You've really got two!
	Why didn't you say so when we began?"
]
L 1,[241	There was a young man from Stamboul
	Who boasted so torrid a tool
	  That each female crater
	  Explored by this satyr
	Seemed almost unpleasanlty cool.
]
L 2,[242	There was a young fellow of Strensall
	Whose prick was as sharp as a pencil.
	  On the night of his wedding
	  It went through the bedding,
	And shattered the chamber utensil.

	So here was this fellow of Strensall
	Whose pecker was shaped like a pencil,
	  Anemic, 'tis true,
	  But an interesting screw,
	Inasmuch as the tip was prehensile.
]
L 1,[244	A wonderful tribe are the Sweenies,
	Renowned for the length of their peenies.
	  The hair on their balls
	  Sweeps the floors of their halls,
	But they don't look at women, the meanies.
]
L 1,[245	There was an old man of Tagore
	Whose tool was a yard long or more,
	  So he wore the damn thing
	  In a surgical sling
	To keep it from wiping the floor.
]
L 1,[246	There was a young lady whose thighs,
	When spread showed a slit of such size,
	  And so deep and so wide,
	  You could play cards inside --
	Much to her bridegroom's surprise.
]
L 1,[247	There was a young hayseed from Tiffan
	Whose cock would constantly stiffen.
	  The knob out in front
	  Attracted foul cunt
	Which he greatly delighted in sniffin'.
]
L 1,[248	There's a charming young girl in Tobruk
	Who refers to her quiff as a nook.
	  It's deep and it's wide,
	  -- You can curl up inside
	With a nice easy chair and a book.
]
L 1,[249	There was a gay parson of Tooting
	Whose roe he was frequently shooting,
	  Till he married a lass
	  With a face like my arse,
	And a cunt you could put a top-boot in.
]
L 1,[250	There was a young man of Toulouse
	Who had a deficient prepuce,
	  But the foreskin he lacked
	  He made up in his sac;
	The result was, his balls were too loose.
]
L 1,[251	A wide-bottomed girl named Trasket
	Had a hole as big as a basket.
	  A spot, as a bride,
	  In it now, you could hide,
	And include with your luggage your mascot.
]
L 1,[252	A young man maintained that his trigger
	Was so big that there weren't any bigger.
	  But this long and thick pud
	  Was so heavy it could
	Scarcely lift up its head.  It lacked vigor.
]
L 1,[253	A cautious young fellow named Tunney
	Had a whang that was worth any money.
	  When eased in half-way,
	  The girl's sigh made him say,
	"Why the sigh?"  "For ths rest of it, honey."
]
L 1,[254	There was an old man who said, "Tush!
	My balls always hang in the brush,
	  And I fumble about,
	  Half in and half out,
	With a pecker as limber as mush."
]
L 1,[255	A pious old woman named Tweak
	Had taught her vagina to speak.
	  It was frequently liable
	  To quote from the Bible,
	But when fucking -- not even a squeak!
]
L 1,[256	There once was a newspaper vendor,
	A person of dubious gender.
	  He would charge one-and-two
	  For permission to view
	His remarkable double pudenda.
]
L 1,[257	A maiden who lived in Virginny
	Had a cunt that could bark, neigh and whinny.
	  The horsey set rushed her,
	  But success finally crushed her
	For her tone soon became harsh and tiny.
]
L 1,[258	There was a young of Warwick
	Who had reason for feeling euphoric,
	  For he could by election
	  Have triune erection:
	Ionic, Corinthian, and Doric.
]
L 1,[259	When he tried to inject his huge whanger
	A young man aroused his girl's anger.
	  As they strove in the dark
	  She was heard to remark,
	"What you need is a zeppelin hanger."
]
L 1,[260	There was a young squaw of Wohunt
	Who possessed a collapsible cunt.
	  It had many odd uses,
	  Produced no papooses,
	And fitted both giant and runt.
]
L 1,[261	There was a young laundress named Wrangle
	Whose tits tilted up at an angle.
	  "They may tickle my chin,"
	  She said with a grin,
	"But at least they keep out of the mangle."
]
L 1,[262	An organist playing in York
	Had a prick that could hold a small fork,
	  And between obbligatos
	  He'd munch at tomatoes,
	And keep up his strength while at work.
]
L 1,[263	There was a young man named Zerubbabel
	Who had only one real, and one rubber ball.
	  When they asked if his pleasure
	  Was only half measure,
	He replied, "That is highly improbable."
]
L 1,[264	There was a young man named Zerubbabub
	Who belonged to the Block, Fuck & Bugger Club
	  But the pride of his life
	  Were the tits of his wife --
	One real, and one India-rubber bub.
]
L 1,[265	Thus spake I AM THAT I AM:
	"For the Virgin I don't give a damn.
	  What pleases me most
	  Is to bugger the Ghost,
	And then be sucked off by the Lamb."
]
L 1,[266	Asi dije YO SOY QUE YO SOY:
	"Por La Virgen un carajo no doy.
	  Lo que debe gustar
	  Es Jesus caporar --
	Y para hacerlo Yo voy."
]
L 1,[267	Dame Catherine of Ashton-on-Lynches
	Got on with her grooms and her wenches:
	  She went down on the gents,
	  And pronged the girl's vents
	With a clitoris reaching six inches.
]
L 1,[268	There was a young lady named Astor
	Who never let any get past her.
	  She finally got plenty
	  By stopping twenty,
	Which certainly ought to last her.
]
L 1,[269	Oden the bardling averred
	His muse was the bum of a bird,
	  And his Lesbian wife
	  Would finger his fife
	While Fisherwood waited as third.
]
L 1,[270	There was a young fellow named Babbitt
	Who could screw nine times like a rabbit,
	  But a girl from Johore
	  Could do it twice more,
	Which was just enough extra to crab it.
]
L 1,[271	A young polo-player of Berkeley
	Made love to his sweetheart beserkly.
	  In the midst of each chukker
	  He would break off and fuck her
	Horizontally, laterally and verkeley.
]
L 1,[272	There once was a jolly old bloke
	Who picked up a girl for a poke.
	  He took down her pants,
	  Fucked her into a trance,
	And then shit into her shoe for a joke.
]
L 1,[273	There was a young idler named Blood,
	Made a fortune performing at stud,
	  With a fifteen-inch peter,
	  A double-beat metre,
	And a load like the Biblical Flood.
]
L 1,[274	Though the invalid Saint of Brac
	Lay all of his life on his back,
	  His wife got her share,
	  And the pilgrims now stare
	At the scene, in his shrine, on a plaque.
]
L 1,[275	There was an old man of Brienz
	The length of whose cock was immense:
	  With one swerve he could plug
	  A boy's bottom in Zug,
	And a kitchen-maid's cunt in Coblenz.
]
L 1,[276	There once was a Duchess of Bruges
	Whose cunt was incredibly huge.
	  Said the king to this dame
	  As he thunderously came:
	"Mon Dieu!  Apres moi, le deluge!"
]
L 1,[277	There was an old man of Cajon
	Who never could get a good bone.
	  With the aid of a gland
	  It grew simply grand;
	Now his wife cannot leave it alone.
]
L 1,[278	There was a young girl of Cape Cod
	Who dreamt she'd been buggered by God.
	  But it wasn't Jehovah
	  That turned the girl over,
	'Twas Roger the lodger, the dirty old codger,
	The bugger, the bastard, the sod!
]
L 1,[279	There once was a lady named Carter,
	Fell in love with a virile young Tartar.
	  She stripped off his pants,
	  At his prick quickly glanced,
	And cried: "For that I'll be a martyr!"
]
L 1,[280	A talented fuckstress, Miss Chisholm,
	Was renowned for her fine paroxysm.
	  While the man detumesced
	  She still spent on with zest,
	Her rapture sheer anachronism.
]
L 1,[281	There was a young man in the choir
	Whose penis rose higher and higher,
	  Till it reached such a height
	  It was quite out of sight --
	But of course you know I'm a liar.
]
L 1,[282	There a young man from the Coast
	Who had an affair with a ghost.
	  At the height of orgasm
	  Said the pallid phantasm,
	"I think I can feel it -- almost!"
]
L 1,[283	Have you heard of the lady named Cox
	Who had a capacious old box?
	  When her lover was in place
	  She said, "Please turn your face.
	I look like a  gal, but I screw like a fox."
]
L 1,[284	A team playing baseball in Dallas
	Called the umpire a shit out of malice.
	  While this worthy had fits
	  The team made eight hits
	And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.
]
L 1,[285	There was a young girl of Darjeeling
	Who could dance with such exquisite feeling
	  There was never a sound
	  For miles around
	Save of fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.
]
L 1,[286	There was a young woman in Dee
	Who stayed with each man she did see.
	  When it came to a test
	  She wished to be best,
	And practice makes perfect, you see.
]
L 1,[287	There was a family named Doe,
	An ideal family to know.
	  As father screwed mother,
	  She said, "You're heavier than brother."
	And he said, "Yes, Sis told me so!"
]
L 1,[288	A lady, by passion deluded,
	Found an African drunk and denuded,
	  And -- fir as a fiddle,
	  And hot for a diddle --
	She tied splints to his penis and screwed it.
]
L 1,[289	There was a strong man of Drumrig
	Who one day did seven times frig.
	  He buggered three sailors,
	  Four Jews and two tailors,
	And ended by fucking a pig.
]
L 1,[290	There was an old man of Duluth
	Whose cock was shot off in his youth.
	  He fucked with his nose
	  And with fingers and toes,
	And he came through a hole in his tooth.
]
L 1,[291	There was an old man of Duddee
	Who came home as drunk as could be.
	  He wound up the clock
	  With the end of his cock,
	And buggered his wife with the key.
]
L 1,[292	A rapturous young fellatrix
	One day was at work on five pricks.
	  With an unholy cry
	  She whipped out her glass eye:
	"Tell the boys I can now take on six."
]
L 1,[293	There was a young man with a fiddle
	Who asked of his girl, "Do you diddle?"
	  She replied, "Yes, I do,
	  But prefer to with two --
	It's twice as much fun in the middle."
]
L 1,[294	I dined with Lord Hughing Fitz-Bluing
	Who said, "Do you squirm when you're screwing?"
	  I replied, "Simple shagging
	  Without any wagging
	Is only for screwing canoeing."
]
L 1,[295	There was a young fellow named Fletcher,
	Was reputed an infamous lecher.
	  When he'd take on a whore
	  She'd need a rebore,
	And they'd carry him out on a stretcher.
]
L 1,[296	A young fellow discovered through Freud
	That although of penis devoid,
	  He could practice coitus
	  By eating a foetus,
	And his parents were quite overjoyed.
]
L 1,[297	There was a young man from Jodhpur
	Who found he could easily cure
	  His dread diabetes
	  By eating a foetus
	Served up in a sauce of manure.
]
L 1,[298	There once was a sailor named Gasted,
	A swell guy, as long as he lasted,
	  He could jerk himself off
	  In a basket, aloft,
	Or a breeches-buoy swung from the masthead.
]
L 1,[299	There was a young girl of Gibraltar
	Who was raped as she knelt at the altar.
	  It really seems odd
	  That a virtuous God
	Should answer her prayers and assault her.
]
L 1,[300	A young man with passions quite gingery
	Tore a hole in his sister's best lingerie.
	  He slapped her behind
	  And made up his mind
	To add incest to insult and injury.
]
L 1,[301	A passionate red-headed girl,
	When you kissed her, her senses would whirl,
	  And her twat would get wet
	  And would wiggle and fret,
	And her cunt-lips would curl and unfurl.
]
L 1,[302	There was a young lady named Gloria
	Who was had by Sir Gerald Du Maurier,
	  And then by six men,
	  Sir Gerald again,
	And the band at the Waldorf-Astoria.
]
L 1,[303	Thank God for the Duchess of Gloucester,
	She obliges all who accost her.
	  She welcomes the prick
	  Of Tom, Harry or Dick,
	Or Baldwin, or even Lord Astor.
]
L 1,[304	The latest reports from Good Hope
	State that apes there have pricks thick as rope,
	  And fuck high, wide, and free,
	  From the top of one tree
	To the top of the next -- what a scope!
]
L 1,[305	A newlywed couple from Goshen
	Spent their honeymoon sailing the ocean.
	  In twenty-eight days
	  They got laid eighty ways --
	Imagine such fucking devotion!
]
L 1,[306	There was a young fellow named Grimes
	Who fucked his girl seventeen times
	  In the course of a week --
	  And this isn't to speak
	Of assorted venereal crimes.
]
L 1,[307	There was a young lady named Hatch
	Who would always come through in a scratch.
	  If a guy wouldn't neck her,
	  She'd grab up his pecker
	And shove the damn thing up her snatch.
]
L 1,[308	There was a young lady named Hilda
	Who went for a walk with a builder.
	  He knew that he could,
	  And he should, and he would --
	And he did -- and he goddam near killed her!
]
L 1,[309	Cum Hilde autem ambulabat
	Homo qui aedificabat.
	  Dixit volebat.  Debet et potebat.
	  Sic ille ducebat.  Statim faciebat.
	Sed virginem pine necebat.
]
L 1,[310	I know of a fortunate Hindu
	Who is sought in the towns that he's been to
	  By the ladies he knows,
	  Who are thrilled to the toes
	By the tricks that he makes his foreskin do.
]
L 1,[311	If you're speaking of actions immoral
	The how about giving the laurel
	  To doughty Queen Esther,
	  No three men could best her --
	One fore, and one aft, and one oral.
]
L 1,[312	There was a young miss from Johore
	Who'd lie on a mat on the floor;
	  In a manner uncanny
	  She'd wobble her fanny,
	And drain your nuts dry to the core.
]
L 1,[313	There was a young fellow of Kent
	Whose prick was so long that it bent,
	  So to save himself trouble
	  He put it in double,
	And instead of coming he went.
]
L 1,[314	There was a young man of Kildare
	Who was fucking a girl on the stair.
	  The bannister broke,
	  But he doubled his stroke
	And finished her off in mid-air.
]
L 1,[315	A young man of Llanfairpwllgwyngyll
	While bent over plucking a dingle
	  Had the whole of Eisteddfod
	  Taking turns at his pod
	While they sang some impossible jingle.
]
L 1,[316	There once were two brothers named Luntz
	Who buggered each other at once.
	  When asked to account
	  For this intricate mount,
	They said, "Ass-holes are tighter than cunts."
]
L 1,[317	There was a young lady named Mable
	Who liked to sprawl out on the table,
	  Then cry to her man,
	  "Stuff in all you can --
	Get your ballocks in, too, if you're able."
]
L 1,[318	An impotent Scot named MacDougall
	Had to husband his sperm and be frugal.
	  He was gathering semen
	  To gender a he-man,
	By screwing his wife through a bugle.
]
L 1,[319	There once was a girl named Mcgoffin
	Who was diddled amazingly often.
	  She was rogered by scores
	  Who'd been turned down by whores,
	And was finally screwed in her coffin.
]
L 1,[320	A stout Gaelic warrior, McPherson,
	Was having a captive, a person
	  Who was not averse
	  Though she had the curse,
	And he'd breeches of bristling furs on.
]
L 1,[321	There was a young Scot in Madrid
	Who got fifty-five fucks for a quid.
	  When they said, "Are you faint?"
	  He replied, "No, I ain't,
	But I don't feel as good as I did."
]
L 1,[322	There was a young fellow of Mayence
	Who fucked his own arse, in defiance
	  Not only of custom
	  And morals, dad-bust him,
	But most of the known laws of science.
]
L 1,[323	The woman who lives on the moon
	Is still cherishing the balloon
	  Of an earthling who'd come
	  And given her some,
	But had dribbled away all too soon.
]
L 1,[324	There is a young faggot named Mose
	Who insists that you fuck his long nose.
	  And you'll double the joy
	  Of this lecherous boy
	If you'll tickle his balls with your toes.
]
L 1,[325	There was an Old Man of the Mountain
	Who frigged himself into a fountain
	  Fifteen times had he spent,
	  Still he wasn't content,
	He simply got tired of the counting.
]
L 1,[326	There was a young lady named Nance
	Who learned about fucking in France,
	  And when you'd insert it
	  She'd squeeze till she hurt it,
	And shoved it right back in your pants.
]
L 1,[327	A studious professor named Nestor
	Bet a whore all his books that he could best her.
	  But she drained out his balls
	  And skipped up the walls,
	Beseeching poor Nestor to rest her.
]
L 1,[328	The late Brigham Young was no neuter --
	No faggot, no fairy, no fruiter.
	  Where ten thousand virgins
	  Succumbed to his urgin's
	There now stands the great State of Utah.
]
L 1,[329	There was a young girl of Newcastle
	Whose charms were declared universal.
	  While one man in front
	  Wired into her cunt,
	Anothere was engaged at her arsehole.
]
L 2,[330	There was a young girl from New York
	Who plugged up her cunt with a cork.
	  A woodpecker or two
	  Made the grade it is true,
	But it totally baffled the stork.

	Till along came a man who presented
	A tool that was strangely indented.
	  With a dizzying twirl
	  He punctured that girl,
	And thus was the cork-screw invented.
]
L 1,[332	There was a young girl named O'Clare
	Whose body was covered with hair.
	  It was really quite fun
	  To probe with one's gun,
	For her quimmy might be anywhere.
]
L 1,[333	There once was a gay young Parisian
	Who screwed an appendix incision,
	  And the girl of his choice
	  Could hardly rejoice
	At the horrible lack of precision.
]

L 1,[334	While spending the winter at Pau
	Lady Pamela forgot to say "No."
	  So the head-porter made her
	  The second-cook laid her;
	The waiters were all hanging low.
]

L 1,[335	There was a young girl of Penzance
	Who boarded a bus in a trance.
	  The passengers fucked her,
	  Likewise the conductor.
	The driver shot off in his pants.
]

L 1,[336	The Shah of the Empire of Persia
	Lay for days in a sexual merger.
	  When the nautch asked the Shah,
	  "Won't you ever withdraw?"
	He replied with a yawn, "It's inertia."
]

L 1,[337	A remarkable race are the Persians,
	They have such peculiar diversions.
	  They screw the whole day
	  In a regular way,
	And save up the nights for perversions.
]

L 1,[338	There was a young girl of Rangoon
	Who was blocked by the Man in the Moon.
	  "Well, it has been great fun,"
	  She remarked when he'd done,
	"But I'm sorry you came quite so soon."
]

L 1,[339	There was a young lady named Ransom
	Who was rogered three times in a hansom.
	  When she cried out for more
	  A voice from the floor
	Said, "My name is Simpson, not Samson."
]

L 1,[340	A maestro directing in Rome
	Had a quaint way of driving it home.
	  Whoever he climbed
	  Had to keep her tail timed
	To the beat of his old metronome.
]

L 1,[341	"Last night,"  said a lassie named Ruth,
	"In a long-distance telephone booth,
	  I enjoyed the perfection
	  Of an ideal connection --
	I was screwed, if you must know the truth."
]

L 1,[342	Said a lesbian lady, "It's sad;
	Of all the girls that I've had,
	  None gave me the thrill
	  Of real rapture until
	I learned how to be a tribade."
]

L 1,[343	There once was a handsome young seaman
	Who with ladies was really a demon.
	  In peace or in war,
	  At sea or on shore,
	He could certainly dish out the semen.
]

L 1,[344	Said a girl being had in a shanty,
	"My dear, you have got it in slanty."
	  He replied, "I can use
	  Any angle I choose.
	I ride as I please -- I'm Duranty!"
]

L 1,[345	An old couple just at Shrovetide
	Were having a piece -- when he died.
	  The wife for a week
	  Sat tight on his peak,
	And bounced up and down as she cried.
]

L 2,[346	My wife is an amorous soul
	On fire for an African's pole.
	  She told a coon chauffeur
	  That he was her gopher --
	And, say, did he go for her hole!

	As he creamed my wife's cunt, the coon said,
	"I could fuck this until she was dead!"
	  As he plugged up her trough,
	  I jerked myself off;
	"If that's how you feel, go ahead!"
]

L 1,[348	There was a young lady of Spain
	Who was fucked by a monk in a drain.
	  They did it again
	  And again and again,
	And again and again and again.
]
L 1,[349	There was a young man from Nantucket
        Whose prick was so long he could suck it.
          He said with a grin
          As he wiped up his chin,
        " If my nose were a cunt I could fuck it".
]
L 1,[350	There was a young man from LeDoux,
	Whose limericks stopped at line two.
]
L 1,[351	If, inside a circle, a line
	Hits the center and runs spine to spine,
	And the line's legnth is D,
	The Circumfernce will be 
	D times 3.14159
] 
L 1,[352	To bear offspring, Noah's snakes were unable.
	Their fertility was somewhat unstable.
		He constructed a bed 
		out of tree trunks and said,
	`even adders can multiply on a log table.'
]
L 1,[353	A young sports car driver names Breen
	Had the fastest machine on the seen.
		He drove fast as light,
		And with No cops in sight 
	He'd blueshift the red lights to green.
]
L 1,[354	There once was a couple named Kelley
        Who were forced to walk belly to belly.
		Because in their haste,
		They used library paste
        Instead of petroleum jelly.
]